Since we have the capacity to befriend so many different types of people due to our chameleon-like abilities.... does it confuse anyone else too with how an ENFP will know if they "love" someone as opposed to just liking them or finding them "interesting/entertaining" for the moment?
What makes it real???
What makes it real???
Why do you want to know. Are you afaraid that you aren't capible of truely loving someone, because it's in your nature to please and seek approval?
I think that everyone has their own definition of love and that should be unique to you.
Do you think ENFP's have the capicity to love in a real way?
I think that most of the human population has the capicity to truly love.
on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest and ENFP would have an 8.3. real love rating
Just teasing... :)
I want to know because I find myself easily liking a lot of different types of people. There isn't a set kind of person that I say to myself, "That's the perfect person for me". The "liking" is spread over a wide range of personalities so it makes me wonder, which one do I like the best and which one is best for me. I find myself falling in love with different people in different ways: some intellectually, some emotionally, some sexually... etc. etc. etc. And I look back and wonder, which one of these is real?
It's not solely about pleasing others because if I didn't get anything out of it also, I won't be bothering with it in the first place.
I can love the one that stimulates me intellectually -- where I'm enthralled and hypnotized by their mind, but then I'm left in the cold emotionally.
I can love the one that melts into my soul -- then I'm left wondering, my mind is just coasting and under-stimulated....
I can love the one that pleases me physically -- then again, where are the other two aspects of a relationship that I need and enjoy?
I think that I, as an ENFP, I have the capacity to love in so many different ways, that I wonder which one of the three or four or whatever is the real love.... or can it all be found in one person? I don't know.
What is real? What is true? What is long-lasting?
I don't know. Do ENFP's have the capacity to love in a true, real way?
I know exactly what you mean... it was almost as if reading my thoughts and feelings out loud and in better English.
I can actually think of one guy that calls me often at night, is very intelligent, accomplished and interesting.. which I find myself falling for..
Then I have the lonely, emotional, sweet guys whom I have an instant connection with..
Then I can think of a very very passionate physical relationship that had no emotional connection to back it up...
Not even just for the purpose of the three types of connections.. but I find myself falling for guy after guy and being in love with more than one person at a time.. and I don't know who's right for me, and I don't know what I want because I want them all.. but that's not logical.. I definitely think with my heart and not my head.
Sometimes I have the urge to hop in the car and drive 4 hours just to be with someone that I'm talking to online who I feel I connect with and can share intimacy and passion with.. and not just in the physical sense.
I met a guy with a screen name that very well described me, once.. it was "ChasingLove"
I'm 27. In the past like many ENFP's romantic relationships were a big swirling complicated part of my life, took up a lot of energy, were hard to balance. Were exciting, frightening, draining, uplifting, over and over. To make matters more interesting I'm bisexual. I typically get attracted to people based on their "auras", who they are, their possibilities, more than looks, gender, etc and at different times have been more tuned in to women or men.
I have been really into radical LGBT politics too. There's a big thread rolling through favoring polyamorism, or at a minimum serial monogamy. : ) Sheroes like June Jordan who lived this reality were beautiful and exciting and inspirational. I knew that I could end up going the same route, with strings of inspiring, challenging, overwhelming, draining, and wonderful lovers. But that could get really draining and complicated since I am bad at balancing this kind of thing.
I got married at 24 to a great guy. He's a very "grounded" type of person, more "realistic" and less head-in-the-clouds than I am. We overlap a lot on values and enjoy a lot of the same things (outdoors activities, family, ideas). I would guess he's an IN_J? Anyway, I guess the way in the career section some people talk about learning to FOCUS our boundless energy - I have probably done this better on the romantic side than the career side.
Do I still get really excited about all kinds of people? Yes! Do I sometimes imagine or think about other lives, other realities I could have led? Sure. We're so focused on possibilities it's hard to bury them. But I love my husband, and he has enough openness to handle the changes twists and turns I will no doubt want to take in my career(s), interests, etc. Also, shutting down the romantic possibilities section of my life has helped me to spend more energy on the other thousands of possibilities. It's also led me to find new ways to approach self-discovery (eg since I don't do that by dating anymore).
I don't believe in "the one" necessarily. I think there are lots of people out there I could have been happy with. But I am happy with my husband and that's great. The world is big enough that there's always something new to do, outside of new romantic relationships. And I'm glad to be with an even-keeled person, since there are definitely people out there I could be very drawn to, but with whom I might have a really hard time finding balance.
There are choices! Self-understanding helps. You can't judge yourself by all of the models of love out there; find what your gut tells you is right (even if there are tradeoffs or growing pains involved). We need the June Jordans of the world too, we need everybody. I have a good friend who's able to balance multiple lovers with glorious success and finesse but I don't think I would have been able to pull it off. It's hard for us to understand our strengths and PICK from our vast arrays of possibilities, to compose something out of our lives!
That is the existential dilemma of the ENFP person. Who am I? What do I want? How do I know this is Right?
Thats our main area to work on. Different people have others.
If we Stop, and examine for a moment, take time out to ask ourselves, What do I really feel? And make a judgment about it.
When you examine how you feel, rather than distracting yourself from your real feelings then you will think more clearly, and feel less restless. It takes some discipline and patience emotionally. Knowing how you feel, acknowledging it, and making a judgment is like being emotionally organized.
That is why is it so tough for us. We are round about in our thinking and get stuck on the loops, repetitive thinking, and lack of decisions, confusion.
Not because we are dumb, not because we are weak, but maybe because it's hard.
Its hard for everyone to be introspective in someways, people have work at it.
The other interesting thing is that ENFP's do know what they like, and how they feel, but they think they are sick or bad uncontiously, and so they continue to distract themselves with relationships, drugs, sex, endless thoughts and rationalizations to avoid dealing with disturbing or aberrant thoughts they may have had at one time. A feeling of loss of control and needing to find the ANSWER to stop the thoughts.
ENFP's are repressed actually.
The good news is, its okay. Were all fucked up, and as soon as we accept that well all feel better!
Also Freud, talked about Psychic energy, or energy that we get from the outside world ( has nothing to do with horoscopes)
and the need to channel that energy into something productive and healthy. He believed that everyone was aggressive internally, by human nature. Playing music, writing, talking etc is a way of letting out the energy inside of us.
The thing for ENFPs to take away from Freud is that we are normal, is Freud's eyes. A lot of things are uncontious and can lead to destructive tendency if not expressed in some way.
Enfp's can become sadomasochists with the way we act towards ourselves.
For example. Exercise is a healthy alternative to that.