I am male ENFP as well and tend to battle things internally often.

I think its just a matter of time before people run into this situation.

So what jobs to you guys do and are you happy??

I'm a guy too.

I tend to get along better with females as oppose to males anyway. It's the sensitive caring side.

I am also VERY touchy / feeling. I Like lots of TLC and making others comfortable.. I think in most relationships its usually the woman who is like that.

I know a few other ENFP's but seems that most of my guy friends are either NF's or NT's. Not really friends with a lot of sensors although I do enjoy the outdoors.

I probably try to battle my ENFP tendencies by attempting a more logical and philosophical approach to things. Many people don't take me seriously because of my light-hearted loving personality, so I sometimes try to sound more analytical than I really am--especially at work. Most of the time it doesn't work :)

I agree with what you said about being negative. I just spent my first semester away at college and was very depressed in my new circumstances not knowing which major or career to pursue. The funny thing is that I transferred from a junior college with a great GPA and lots of letters of recommendations from teachers who all told me I was extremely bright and full of potential. But for some reason I've talked myself into believing that I'm worthless and will never be happy or successful in any career. I feel like I've lived several lives in other people's shoes trying to understand them so deeply but haven't given enough attention to understanding myself. It's scary and liberating at the same time. I am currently going to school to study nutrition because I am very interested in helping people as a whole starting with their diets. This is also because I am a type 1 diabetic and nutrition is the most closely related college major to my illness. I hope to have a positive impact on peoples lives one day but am just so darn confused about how to do that correctly. I feel so much that I need to just be myself and can't understand why that is so hard for me. I'm putting a lot of pressure on picking a major and career and I can't help it. All I think about is the future and whether or not I will be happy and successful. I know this post is rather inappropriate for the blog but I've replied to You because I couldn't post a comment in the other blog you started about college majors and careers. I am very relieved to know that there are others out there with similar concerns, but I just wish I had more people to talk to that could maybe give me some insight into how to deal with my inner turmoil, not just dealing with my strange femininity which I do sometimes try to act overly masculine to hide. It's very strange I get along with girls very well like the gay best friend, but I'm not gay. I just felt like telling you this because it makes me feel better to get it out to you because I feel that after reading your posts you would have a good understanding of maybe where I'm coming from and how to deal with this insanity. I have never had a problem with depression before going off to college and having to make the decision of what college major to pick. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I worry night and day if I've made the right choice. I have changed my major 5 times already in the first semester at my University. I think exercise is the best way for me to feel better naturally, but it's just so hard for me to make a decision and stick with it. I find meaning in everything and I ruminate on comments made by people who know me well for days on end. I wish I could put a stop to this madness and just be happy with a choice and stick with it. If you have any suggestions please let me know. It would make me feel great to know that someone understands me and that there is hope. And this is my first time to post comments on a blog so please bear with me.

I read absurd in the existential sense that Kierkegaard uses in fear and trembling. It could be a good thing! or Rather not a bad thing per say. Otherwise I agree.

Hit it up Gerry, I always like to hear what you have to say, it's usually very interesting/

O.k., here is my theory... [More of a rant.]:

I'm a big fan of evolutionary psychology and sociobiology [E.O. Wilson FTW!], and as such I find myself trying to contemplate the evolutionary strengths and purpose of being an ENFP...

The intrinsic purpose of existence as a human being is Survival, Replication and Living [in that order]. Let me break it down...

Survival refers to the immediate physical needs that a person requires to well... survive.

Replication refers to the needs and conditions needed to reproduce.

Living refers to the not-strictly-necessary, but extremely-desired wants of a person in order to live comfortably and feel satisfied in the realms of health, wealth and relationships.

We as ENFPs don't really carry much survival value intrinsically [we hate repetitive, boring, monotonous tasks and tend to avoid conflict, physical and social] and replication value is purely a physical quality that women in general carry regardless, so we must be...*drum roll*...Living-valued!

Now, lets go back to the "Living" category, shall we? All human pursuits and problems can be divided into three realms: Health, wealth and relationships. [Note: Isn't it interesting that ENFPs excel in the medical/physical recovery, entrepreneurship/creative business and counseling fields? Hmm?] Health being your physical well-being, wealth being the energy and resources needed to do what you need and desire and relationships being the social values and dynamics that we hold between ourselves and others.

Now, other names for ENFPs include "Champion Idealists", "Advocates", "Reporters" and "Apocalyptic Heralds" [This last one isn't necessarily negative, it just means that the furor and extremity by which we express our point of view is so intense that we tend to cause others to react with such fire and energy themselves.], and these are all very appropriate. We tend to be focused on "learning the truth" through interactions with others [journalistic investigation], "finding out how to disperse the truth to the masses" by creatively coming up with ways to keep people's attention and relate to them in the most subtle and deep ways [marketing, creative writing/art] and "telling the whole truth" as we see it by speaking directly from the core of our being... fully invested in the outcome with the totality of our soul and emotion. [reporting, preaching, singing, etc.]. Evolutionarily this carries a lot of benefit. We as ENFPs may be the "Heralds of Humanity".... As we have an incredible talent for manipulating and controlling the "big ideals" that people believe in and spend their lives living up to and conveying them in a way that drives people towards action...

I.E., we're sort of like ethereal sheep herders, leading folks towards their true potential as both individuals and groups.

Now you may be asking yourself, "Hey, Gerry, this is all well and good as a big ideal in itself, but how does this help me get past my [insert ENFP-weakness here] in every day life?"

Well, here is my theory... Since we as ENFPs seem to deal with ideals and mass amounts of people together at our basest level of purpose, we should experiment with doing just that:

[1] Being the ideals we express on the basest level of our beings... Living our ideals at every fabric of our existence in every day life. This is called having a "Strong Frame"... A frame of reality that isn't just believed, but is acted upon. People with strong frames are instantly noticed by those with weaker frames... and those with weaker frames find themselves uncontrollably drawn to and wanting to be like those with the stronger frames. Ever notice how when you are on fire as ENFP and passionately expressing a value you believe in that those listening to you seem to have this glazed look in their eyes and seem to be hanging on your every word? This only happens when we as ENFPs seem to snap out of our every-day "face values" and dig deep within ourselves to what is really there and aren't afraid to express it and don't give a damn about what others think. Which brings me to my next point...

[2] Don't be so damn invested in the outcome. People with "Strong Frames" don't care what others think. They are already fulfilled, they are already self-actualized... They don't need anyone else's praise. They feel good about themselves simply by being the person they are expressing themselves honestly and openly to the world. They don't care about the outcome of any interaction with others... Whether they win or lose, garner praise or insults... They are only there for the process... Because they as fulfilled people are seeking other fulfilled people to be with or seeking to impart wisdom into the lives of unfulfilled people. Plenty of people have already written about these matters in relation to their respective fields... seduction [Neil Strauss, Mystery, David Deangelo], human nature [Robert Greene] and bloggers [www.pickthebrain.com/], so I'd definitely suggest checking them out. But for now, my third and final point...

[3] Build a LARGE and STRONG network of people in your every day relations. I think a major problem of ENFPs is that we deny a facet of our nature which has great implications for our development as "Heralds"... Like I said, we tend to be too emotionally and psychologically invested into our outcome with others. My theory is that a lot of us are like this because we pick a few people to try to reveal our "true" selves to and use THEM as the basis for our whole exploded worldview on humanity and our interactions with them. THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS WORK FOR US. We are Heralds. We speak to and interact with THE MASSES. You know how in ENFP-analysis interactions on the web they also speak about how we tend to move from friend to friend to friend very quickly? That is our nature... We are message-bearers and information collectors simeltaneously, trying to deliver and receive as much as both from as many people as we can to learn, expand and support our worldview. Ancient ENFPs were probably philosophers, caravan-merchants, poets, balladeers, bards, etc., doing as much as they can with what they had so as to discover the "True Nature" of the world. And we're no different.

The problem is that the modern world has created an environment where we as ENFPs feel alienated from our social surroundings... People aren't as close, circumstances are less mysterious... less fantastical, and our social structures are more depressing, exclusive and rigid... These things get depressing... but really, only if we let them. The answer is to FORCE OURSELVES TO GET OUT THERE. We should find the tools to solidify our values, find the venues to meet other people in real life [sorry, the internet is NOT a substitute for personal social development], find the tools necessary to interact with these people, test our understandings of people and our world, learn our strengths and weaknesses, dedicate ourselves to improving ourselves and the world and MOST IMPORTANTLY keeping a record [a journal, writing songs, stories, music, poetry... drawing... SOMETHING] so as to manifest some of our creativity into reality, giving a piece of ourselves to humanity and the world! The beauty of this is that as the interactions with various groups of people build, we'll find ourselves being less and less nervous and skittish about what people think about us, because we will have interacted with so many people that we'll start really seeing the patterns that manifest themselves subtlely and overtly with others... We'll really be able to deliver and receive "The Truth" as we see fit... And afterwards... when we feel we've had enough, we'll be able to smile and laugh at ourselves and everyone else, not being able to believe that we were once so timid and easily hurt at the backhanded and unconscious verbal hostilities of people we really didn't care for anyway...

And that is pretty much it folks, that is my theory... But really more of a rant. There are little details in between all of this that I could talk about, but for now I'll let you decide if any of this seems personally relevant to you and give you the chance to comment on it. I look forward to what you have to say... and as always... "Thank you".

[NOTE: A warning of caution though, even though we as ENFPs are made for mass and fast-paced interactions with others, we need... WE NEED... time to ourselves to both relax and consider what we did, what we have and what we want, and most importantly time to re-examine our values and see if we are living up to them. The danger of constantly throwing ourselves out into the world without time for introspection is that you risk the greatest threat to an ENFP: falling into the abyss [longterm burn-out and depression]. Catch yourselves before it is too late when necessary.]

Glen: Nicely articulated man.

I'm glad that I am not alone out there in the way I think and act. As a 25 yr old male, coming to terms with my ENFP-ness has been a hard road simply because I always felt like there was not anyone like me deep inside, so I adapted to fit a role that coincided with my peers. We are quite good at adapting, whether it be in new situations or social stigmas.

With today's society and the lack of comradeship in communities, I have felt that we ENFP's have suffered significantly. Everyone has a damn agenda and don't really seem to care about the value of interpersonal interaction or foundation building relationships.

On a more personal note, has anyone lost a best friend and had trouble letting it go? I have found it really hard to move on from a friendship that I invested so much time into. In fact, I kinda have a hard time letting the past go period. Anyone got any tips?

Mark,

You are older than me and far more experienced, but I can understand and relate to how you feel.

However, I would like you to know that other personality types struggle in areas where we excel; and they tell me that I have it good. Like you, I had no problem finding women. But also like you, I have trouble holding onto them.

But consider the situation of other personality types before making harsh judgments about yourself. INFJ and INFP males have enormous difficulties with meeting women. They are typically shy and quiet, preferring to speak only when they have no other choice.

But if you think that's just because they're introverts, consider the ESFP "Jokers." Their fear of rejection is so high, they either refrain from trying something new or, if things don't go as planned, seek quick exit strategies while trying to be as genial about it as possible. ESFJ "Helpers" love to wallow in misery and grief when relationships don't go well; ENTP "innovators" hate settling down and are the first to complain that other people are "dragging them down" or "holding them back."

So, you see, the point is that everybody has issues, strengths, and weaknesses. But the beauty of "knowing thyself" in the Internet age is that if you know your ailment, you can also find the cure. Military, firefighting, infantry does not make you masculine, just as crying, feeling powerful emotions frequently, and painting does not make you feminine. That's Hollywood bullshit.

Do martial arts, working at a gunrange and restoring motorcycles make you happy? Would you still do it if nobody cared about you at all? If you're an ENFP, that means that the kinds of hobbies you would like best are those that involve SHARING experiences with others. That's where we excel. Solitary exercises can help once in a while, but they don't get us fired up and passionate about ourselves.

My best friend from HS is an ENFP. More importantly, he was an ENFP who FULLY accepted who he was since the day he was born. And he is wildly successful with girls. This is how I know that it's not your personality type that's limiting you.